Ultimate springtime golf fitness tips for "real" golfers

By Tim McDonald,
National Golf Editor

For those of you unfortunate enough to live in the North, you must be salivating at the thought of the spring golf season.

Hold on, Tiger. You ain't the man you used to be. You can't just jump up and go straight to the golf course after a long winter of sloth and mold.

Now, you will find any number of charlatans willing to sell you their total golf fitness regimens. These sleazoids always assume you're a golfer interested in a cleaner, healthier way of living and golfing. I've seen you out on the course, and I know that's not the sort of thing you're "into."

So here is my total golf fitness regimen for the "real" golfer:

• For God's sake, you have to strengthen your core! This involves eating really hard food, like jawbreakers. Eat a bag of those and have your neighbor punch you in the gut to see if your core is all it can be.

Options: Month-old fudge, Purina Dog Chow, pine bark.

• You also have to really work your obliques, I mean really work the hell out of them. Here's the perfect exercise for that. Lie flat on your back with knees bent slightly wider than your hips. If you have really fat hips, you're either going to have to really stretch your knees like in a cartoon, like The Elastic Man from India, or just skip this exercise. In fact, if you have really fat hips, just skip playing golf, nobody wants to see you out on the course.

Now, you slim-hipped people reach your hands to the ceiling like you're crying out for the Lord Jesus Christ to spare you from your miserable existence. You can hold light hand-weights, or not. What do I care? Lift your head and chest toward the ceiling and rotate to reach both hands just outside of your fat, right knee. Repeat on the left side. Now, take a breather. Ask Christ for forgiveness.

• Breathing exercises: Breathing properly and deeply is critical, especially for those tense moments on the course when normally you would start crying.
This deep-breathing exercise involves attending your local adult movie house, or calling up one of those sites on your Internet browser. Follow your instincts. It's either that or follow mine, and then you're looking at jail time.
• Horizontal abduction/adduction: I can't give you much help here, because I always get "horizontal" confused with "vertical," and I have no idea what adduction is. Who came up with that word, anyway? It's a stupid word and should be eliminated from the English language, if it's even English.

• Standing hip rotation: Don't do this. It makes you look like a girl.

• Alcohol fitness: How many times have you lost $2 Nassaus because while you were getting hamboned, your playing partners were just holding up that bottle of Jack Black pretending to drink?

Well, no need to waste good liquor. You can still drink and maintain your competitive edge. You just need to build up a tolerance. Stand upright in a dark closet, with a wide stance, and suck it down. Keep drinking until your wife leaves you.

• Aerobics: Ha! Don't make me laugh. This is golf!

• Putting: Don't bother to practice putting. Putting in golf is overrated. I play golf maybe 200 times a year and I've yet to meet anyone who can putt. You either make it or you don't. If you miss, just keep putting until the ball goes in the hole. Simple.

• Seniors: As we age, our bodies react differently, so seniors must prepare for golf differently than young punks. An important thing to remember is that there is an inverse relationship of increased ear hair to laughably short drives off the tee.

So keep those ear hairs trim and neat. If you're proud of your thick mane of ear hair, don't sweat it. If you're short off the tee, you're probably small in other areas, and I think you know what I'm talking about.

• Excuses: A healthy psychological outlook is a must for Better Golf. If you can convince yourself that the snap hook you hit into the weeds over there is not your doing at all, you'll retain the confidence needed to excel in the game.

The first time you smack one of your all-too-typical lousy shots, turn to your playing partner and snarl," "Will you stop that!" Look at him, looking all hurt and everything. Who would have thought golf fitness could be so much fun?

• Torque development in the downswing: This is so important, I can barely contain myself. This is vital to any golfer who has ever wanted to improve his score. You could even say it is absolutely critical in terms of reaching your full potential as a golfer and knowing what it is to be truly human.

• Alignment and posture: Face the target squarely and stand erect, with your rump jutting out slightly. Feels a little silly, doesn't it? Can you think of another situation in life where you would position yourself in such an odd manner? I can't.

Cleveland State's Barber collects men's Athlete of the Week honors, while Butler freshman Fields earns women's award

Doug Barber, Cleveland State
Willoughby Hills, Ohio * Senior
Barber won the Norm Bullock Collegiate Classic with a 54-hole total of two-under-par 212. He opened the tournament with a 73 on Sunday and came back with rounds of five-under-par 67 and 74 on Monday. The 67 was a career-low and the low round of the tournament. It was the second time Barber has won a tournament in his career and the first time since he claimed the 2005 Horizon League Championship as a freshman. Barber's medalist performance helped the Vikings claim the tournament title.

KSU's Markle Named Men's Golfer Of The Week

MAC Men’s Golfer of the Week

David Markle, Kent State, Sr., Shelbourne, Ontario (Centre Dufferin)

National Invitational Tournament

Score: 70-71-67 (208) -8

Finish: T-1

Markle shot a final round 67 to earn co-medalist honors at the National Invitational Tournament in Tucson, Ariz. For the tournament he carded 14 birdies while extending his streak to six straight rounds under par. Markle shot rounds of 70-71-67 for an eight under 208 which tie for the eighth lowest 54-hole score in school history. The senior led an outstanding final round charge by the Golden Flashes which gained nine shot of the field and took home a second place finish. In six rounds this spring Markle is averaging 70.0 strokes per round.

Women's Athlete of the Week

Mallory Wyderka, Cleveland State
Olmsted Falls, Ohio * Junior
Wyderka led the Vikings at the Northern Illinois Snowbird Intercollegiate last week with rounds of 80-77 (157) to finish as CSU's top individual and lead the Vikings to a fourth place showing. Overall, the junior finished seventh in the field.

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Rod Spittle qualified for the AT&T Champions event this week as the medallist, shooting 66. Only one bogey showed on the Big Canadian's card as he cruised to the top spot. Dick Mast shot 67 and Jack Ferenz shot 69 to join John Cook, Mike McCollough and Spittle. Gary Trivisonno and Tom Herzan both failed to qualify.

Michigan State and Ohio State Earn Co-Golfers of the Week

The Big Ten honors two senior standouts

Feb. 20, 2008

Women's Co-Golfers of the Week

Sara Brown, Michigan State
Sr., Tucson, Ariz. / Salpointe Catholic
Brown guided the No. 23 Spartans to a team title at the Central District Invitational while picking up top individual honors. She out-shot the field by seven strokes and her four-under par three-round total of 212 (70-70-72) is the second-best 54-hole score in school history. Brown is honored with her second career weekly award.

Last MSU Golfer of the Week: Sara Brown (2/22/07)

Carling Coffing, Ohio State
Sr., Middletown, Ohio. / Middletown
At the Central District Invitational, Coffing fired off two rounds of 72 on her way to a tournament average of 73.7. Her stroke count of 221 tied her for third place individually and helped her Buckeye squad to a fourth-place finish. At the Northrop Grumman Regional Challenge, the senior captain rattled off a 77.7 three-round average with a low of 74. Coffing takes home her first career weekly accolade.

Camargo Makes Golf Magazine's Top 100 Courses

Camargo, OH, USA

The excellence of Camargo's one shot holes help separate the course in quality from most others.
Pictured is the Eden 5th.

What golf course has the best collection of one shot holes?

Harbour Town is often bated around for such distinction but it lacks the key element of variety. For holes of various lengths that ask for a full range of shots, Cypress Point, Royal Melbourne (West), Shinnecock Hills, Merion and Pine Valley are the more obvious candidates. Obviously, these courses are among the greats and yet there is a lesser known gem that deserves to be included as well: Camargo Club located in the rolling countryside outside of Cincinnati, Ohio.

Sterling examples of each of Seth Raynor's four favorite one shotters are found here. That Camargo possesses the finest Eden and Short hole in this country is a defensible argument. The Redan version as well is of alarming excellence with its perfectly canted green. Finally, to the authors at least, perhaps the finest of the bunch is its impressive Biarritz hole. The golfer will be asked to hit (roughly) a five iron, a three wood, an eight iron and a three iron into these four holes, so the balance is exemplary.

Given the advantage of four superlative short holes, Camargo was always destined to be a course apart. Supporting this cast is an admirable group of two shot holes. Four pars like the 3^rd, 9^th, 12^th, 13^th and 14^th attack the valleys that run through the property in different manners. Some like the 3^rd and 14^th play across the valleys, others like the 9^th are at an angle, and still others like the 12^th and 13^th fairways skirt around the top of the valley. Given this land movement, a lesser architect could have well botched the opportunity. Instead, Raynor's inspired routing created holes of immense variety.

And speaking of property, there is a lot to talk about. The course today still occupies 260 acres. The worn out and often inaccurate statement of being oblivious to other games does indeed hold true at Camargo. Of course, with an average of 13,000 rounds a year, the course is not exactly overrun.

The course's only weakness is one often found in Raynor's work: par fives that are not bad but still somehow seem indifferent compared to the other holes.

Holes to Note:

4^th hole, 455 yards; Perhaps the least offensive von Hagge bunkers dot the inside of this dogleg to the left. They serve as a general indication as to the flow of the hole. The prize of the hole goes to the absolutely enormous square green that measures over 12,000 sq. feet. It is bunkered either side but is completely open in front. One of the authors had overdone his tee shot and was behind a tree on the inside of the dogleg. Nonetheless, given what must be a 40 yard wide entrance to the green, he hit a massive hook that took the fairway perfectly and scampered well back into the green (the ensuing sad three putt doesn't warrant narrative). This type of recovery shot is generally only associated with links holes but it serves as a stirring example of the kind of golf on offer at Camargo.

5^th hole, 180 yards; This hole rivals the 11^th at Fishers Island as the finest Eden Hole in the United States. The Club appreciates that the left bunker needs to be restored to a flat bottom, as opposed to its present slight upslope.